How to ask for your personal space back when visitors overstay their welcome.
Asking visitors to leave is an awkward line between wanting your solitude back and not wanting to hurt the other person or people..
When it comes to family, the line is even more slippery. Here conflict can easily start and ruin the wonderful past few weeks of enjoying time together.
Sometimes, this means, according to relationship coach E.B Johnson, that you have to steel yourself against any confrontation to avoid any outbursts. This includes understanding your boundaries, your limitations and self respect, which can enable you kick out ANYONE when they overstay their welcome.
This is especially true when said boundaries and limitations are being stretched. Family has the most access to their kins’ charity and comfort which can lead to resentment, frustration and unnecessary conflict.
Here’s how to deal with overstay
1. Tell them directly
Be up-front and politely tell them it’s time to go. Both of you will appreciate the bluntness in the long run.
Set a time limit for the conversation to let them know it is a firm decision and to avoid any objections or excuses.
You may start with an apology and genuine confession that you don’t wish to be rude. Let them know you like time with them but need your space.
2. Allocate chores
Tell them they have to start pitching in resources and effort. Ask them to take care of their belongings and the place they are living in. Make living with you about equality rather than going an extra mile to make them comfortable.
3. Get support
Enlist the help of another family member to ask them to leave or have them there for moral support. This can prevent any heated confrontation or negative impact that may result from the situation.
4. Offer packing help
Nothing says ‘it’s time for your departure’ like offering help to gather their items up. Talk about anything interesting during the packing. Engage them in some “one for the road”s. This will indicate that after the engagements, they will not be welcome to stay.
5. Set strict rules
Comfortable stay means that the guest(s) has to abide by the house rules. Set ground rules that cater to your needs and wants only, after gatherings, and make them clear to any guest left behind. Set expectations and boundaries and those who cannot live by them will not stick around.
It will save you the talk and confrontation.
6. Create a schedule
Map out a timetable with a series of posts to let them know that your time together is coming to an end. Make a list of activities you are going to do together and the last one that clearly signals that it will be time to part.
This is important at the start of the holidays.
7. Body language
This is a more passive aggressive move but it is aimed at opening up a conversation about them leaving. It includes being unavailable, returning to your routine like they are not there and going back to work.
However, use it gently to indicate your feelings about the situation. Then build up to the conversation.
8. Dictate your alone time
Let your guest know that you will not tolerate any encroachment on your personal time in your designated alone-time spaces.
Let them know what portions of the house you require at your convenience and which portions they can use at particular times.
Takeaway
Extra time to wind down with family after the holiday activities is just as wonderful. How long they can stay is up to each person. But when it starts to be problematic and disruptive, it is time to recreate the space.
