This topic is almost never discussed in this part of the world.
If it is ever talked about, then it is garnished with humour to make the memories less chilling. While this unwavering love for the common parenting styles in Nigeria with believe that ‘We turned out great’ is admirable, it is important to self-reflect to confirm that all is indeed well.
One might guess that the act of spanking a child (putting it mildly) is the villain in this article, but that would just be scratching the surface. There is a deeper issue: The quality of human relationship experienced in one early life.
The most impactful relationship in a human’s lifetime is the relationship with their primary caregiver, usually a parent. This relationship is the first connection an individual experiences, so, it sets the tone for all other relationships to come.
A child is like a clean slate that becomes what has been written on them from infancy to adulthood. Affection, attention, protection, care, love, validation, compassion are the needs of every human being, just to mention a few. These needs are highly required in childhood as these are the formative years where an individual’s self-image and personality takes shape.
If any of these needs are unmet in the formative years, it does not go unnoticed. Eventually, that individual’s personality becomes deficient of the unmet need, which results in a personality disorder. This cycle continues and is almost unchallenged in Nigeria due to its rampancy in families or a lack of awareness.
The first step in overcoming trauma is identifying its existence, which is arguably the most difficult step. However, there are a few pointers to a likelihood of childhood trauma: Difficult and unstable romantic relationships/friendships, emotional outbursts, mood swings, anxiety, overthinking, fear, low self-image, trust issues, people pleasing, to mention a few.
An honest self-evaluation is a good place to start in identifying childhood trauma. Reflecting on childhood memories and the emotions felt in these memories can be good indicators of trauma points. Knowledge is indeed power because a problem identified is half solved.
The next step is to seek help. The absence or lack of access to therapy does not make healing a mere fantasy. There are several therapists and mental health experts on the internet who have made it their life’s work to share helpful resources to individuals who need it based on their respective personality disorders. There are also online quizzes, several books and mobile apps that can be used to educate and equip an affected individual with the necessary techniques to overcome the said trauma.
The journey to healing childhood trauma is a gradual one with no timeline. A great tip is to take it ‘one day at a time’. There would be good and bad days, hence the need for support from loved ones and a support group (there are several on social media) to get us through the bad days.
If adults make it a duty to identify and overcome their childhood trauma (if any), it would not be passed on to the next generation.
