Raising a child to be responsible is very easy to imagine but disciplining a child to fit into this standard of being responsible can be very tough. Oftentimes, as these children grow up, they have a tendency to test one’s patience. The number of tantrums increases.
In place of reacting to this unruly behaviour, most parents assume beating can restore normalcy owing to the fact that being an African permits beating; however, research shows beating a child has no African origin; it is a universal experience!
Fishe NG is interested in the togetherness of Nigeria and to achieve this feat, it requires conscious effort to build a working Nigeria by building a family that works. A structured family starts with good parenting.
We spoke to a behavioural expert who understands the danger of bad discipline approach in the upbringing of a child
Personality is formed during childhood
In achieving this feat, Dr. Oluwatosin Kadri (nee Owolala), a senior Registrar in the department of psychiatry at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, who has been actively involved in advocating for good parenting and how to have a peaceful society did justice to the subject matter.
The word beating is a noun; it means the act of inflicting corporal punishment with repeated blows and to some extent, it has changed from correcting a child to an outlet of transferring aggression by some parents.
Dr. Oluwatosin Kadri (nee Owolala), who is presently in the UK to further her studies and hope of a return back to Nigeria to contribute her quota in building an atmosphere where families and children can thrive at building a sane nationhood of good people, great nation; explains that understanding if beating is a correction or an outlet for a frustrated individual, is a necessity.
She stressed the importance of cultural environmental norms of a society to also be major factor.
I do not see beating a child as compulsory action, although it could be necessary depending on our cultural background beliefs, and values, she added
Over time, social psychologists have contributed tips and approaches to raising a child; after all, no child ever came with a manual. This lack of customary ways of raising a child has introduced four major parenting styles to adopt when raising a child.
These models were buttressed by Dr. Kadri. These styles — permissive, authoritative, neglectful and authoritarian
Explaining that the “authoritarian” This parenting approach is characterised by high demands and low responsiveness. It involves the imposition of strict rules with minimal regard for a child’s emotional, social, and behavioural needs.
When questioned about their rules or consequences, these parents frequently respond, “Because I said so.” Communication in this style primarily flows from parent to child, with minimal room for input or feedback. This rigid parenting style relies on stern discipline and is often justified as “tough love” as parents aim to maintain full control over their children without seeking their perspectives or feedback.
‘This is the common one in Africa, she said. “They instead make rules and enforce these rules with little or no regard to their child’s opinion; sometimes they use punishment instead of discipline rather than teaching a better choice. They make their children feel sorry for what they have done wrong
The ‘authoritative’ parents are opposite the authoritarian. This parenting style is characterised by high responsiveness and high demand. It involves establishing clear rules and expectations for children while also being flexible and understanding.
Communication is frequent, and these parents actively listen to and consider their children’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
They allow natural consequences to unfold, such as a child failing a quiz when they haven’t studied, but use these situations as opportunities for their children to reflect and learn.
Authoritative parents are nurturing, supportive, and highly attuned to their children’s needs. They guide their children through open and honest discussions, aiming to teach values and reasoning. Children raised by authoritative parents tend to be self-disciplined and capable of independent thinking.
Another Parenting concept style is “Permissive style.” In this parenting style, there is a high level of responsiveness but a low level of demand. Parents in this category tend to maintain open communication and frequently allow their children to make their own decisions without giving much direction.
Rules and expectations are either absent or rarely enforced. These parents often go to great lengths to ensure their children’s happiness, sometimes sacrificing their own needs in the process.
Permissive parents often assume a more friendship-oriented role than a traditional parenting role. They seek to avoid conflicts and readily yield to their children’s requests when they show signs of distress.
Their approach is largely permissive, allowing their children considerable freedom to do as they please while providing limited guidance or direction.
“They set rules but they enforce them; they don’t give consequences. They believe that a child would always be a child, she added
“They leave the child alone to do whatever they want to do. This is what is common now with modern day parenting, such a child might end up struggling with life”.
The fourth one, as introduced by Diana Baumrind, is the uninvolved one. In this parenting approach, there is a low level of responsiveness and a low level of demand. Parents in this category often allow their children to fend for themselves, possibly due to their indifference to their children’s needs or their own overwhelming life circumstances. They provide minimal nurturing, guidance, and attention to their children.
This style is commonly known as uninvolved parenting. Neglectful parents exhibit an overall sense of indifference towards their children, displaying limited engagement and rarely implementing rules or boundaries.
Their behaviour can come across as cold and uncaring, though it’s not always intentional, as they are often grappling with their own personal issues, which can affect their ability to connect with and support their children.
Grounding
As innovations meet civilisation, new parenting techniques are introduced; one of those is “Grounding”. Iowa State University revisited the concept and measured the sustainability of this new approach.
Grounding is a discipline technique used by caregivers to help children understand that their actions have consequences. It typically involves temporarily removing or restricting certain privileges or freedoms as a way to teach children responsibility and the impact of their behaviour.
It is believed that to make this technique work, it must be introduced when a child is about to gain freedom, most especially around age 12. When asked if this technique can work in Africa, most especially in Nigeria?
She said that “it could be possible in Nigeria; the new generation of parents that we have are well exposed and they have discovered that beating is not everything.
“People I have come in contact with that are elites, they hardly beat their children again, they are moving towards building better communication and withdrawing some benefits.”
Dr. Oluwatosin Kadri (nee Owolala), stressed that no matter the discipline approach, if the child in question doesn’t see what he or she has done, it hasn’t met the purpose of the parenting model. Adding to that, the parent’s personality would greatly influence the parenting style. The people of west also beat it; it is not only In AFRICA.
The senior registrar called on collective responsibilities, “Whether the baby is yours or not, once you see any child with bruises or physical abuse all over his body, question such a parent. Either something is wrong with such a parent, their mental health, or such a person. At that point, it is no longer correction; it is either the transfer of aggression
The government should come in when such a situation is happening and punish the parents. Reiterating the personality trait, she explained how displacements could also influence the transfer of aggression.
For instance, when someone is going through a certain stress, they are always ready to displace their own emotion on something of lesser quality or value.
A man is working in place and having issue with his boss and because he cannot react to his bosss, he goes back home and displaces his anger on his child or children, which is form of immature defence mechanism.
